Bhutanese Boyfriend?

So the word around town is that I have a Bhutanese boyfriend. Hmm..that sounds good I think, I'd love to meet him. Don't forget to let me know who it is so I can know for myself.

Two people today have made reference to me and my Bhutanese 'better half'. What the? Where did this come from? I have not been in the country for the past two weeks, so how did this rumour start?

On first arrival in Bhutan the first question people ask you is 'Are you married?'. If you answer no then the second question is 'Do you want a Bhutanese boyfriend?' The minute they find out you are not 'taken' you are seen as a challenge to conquor. Western women are seen as exotic here.

The Bhutanese can be quite flirtatious and with sexual norms different to those that we find in the Western world, affairs are commonplace. Recently, in one interview I conducted, one married women said that 'Every married person has affairs. Those who say they are not, are lying. It's part of the Bhutanese way'. It was said like it was completely normal and accepted. She went on to say while she does not like to think her husband is having one, she accepts it, and she also has affairs as well. Hmm.. interesting point of view. Hence one of the reasons I am here to educate about HIV.

Due to the size of this country and these sexual norms, rumours are rife and suspicion - along with innuendo - abound. Within one month of being here, I had already experienced how these rumours can go out of control. Apparently I was having an affair with quite a well respected and recently separated man, as I had been at the same dinner with him (and about ten others). Of course it was completely untrue. I only found out as FOUR WEEKS later this guy had to actually contact me, and get me to speak to his best friends wife to clear up the mess. Such is the rumour mill. I also had to mend the relationship with his ex-wife and smooth things over too. Crikey I had never realised how hard it was to be a single western woman sometimes.

Basically in Bhutan if you are seen out alone with a man you ARE having an affair. There is no doubt in anyones mind. You could be having lunch, going for a walk, sitting in a car as a passenger or get this - talking about work!

I didn't know about this upon first arrival so I was probably considered the local floosie with the amount of lunches, coffees and catch ups I was having with my new work colleagues.

Some of my male colleagues were smart however, and bought along a friend for lunch, so they could not be accused of infidelity. With others we ate at some out-of-the-way place, and on reflection I think they just didn't want anyone to see us together. It was all totally innocent of course, but drives home the small town nature of place, and the impact rumours can have. Now I am a little more considerate of my male Bhutanese friends when I want to catch up with them.

It didn't take me long to realise that life in Thimphu would be a lot easier if I was 'married' or 'spoken for'. That's where Mathias comes in.

Mathias has been my decoy for the past few months which has been great. He is a Swiss friend of mine and we hang out quite a bit and our friendship is purely platonic. It has proven to be sweet relief for me. People think we are together (because they are Bhutanese and remember if you are with one person then he is your boyfriend!). Consequently people have stopped asking me about Bhutanese boyfriends, I am not accused of having affairs, and life goes on - until now.

As Mathias is obviously not Bhutanese the question remains who is my Bhutanese boyfriend?

Some poor random bloke I chatted to for two seconds on the street has probably now been pegged as my new fella, and no doubt is currently trying to explain to his wife that our chat is completely innocent. Seriously - it is that bad. That's all you have to do in this town to have rumours start - just chat to someone of the opposite sex.

Oh well, there is no point worrying about it. I'll never figure it out who this 'mystery man' was anyway. Being a foreigner I can get away with a multitude of sins, so I'll let them continue to circulate rumours and provide some entertainment and gossip for the people of Thimphu.

It does intrigue me tho' and is quite fun actually. I'd love to know what the gossip mongers are saying. I'd love to know how tall the story gets. So cool. I reckon it would be great fodder for this blog.

Tashi Delek.